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WOW: A Woman is to Be Seen and Not Heard

This week’s Women on Wednesdays is an offering from contributor Moniqua.

As a young girl, she was told by her mother that she was to be seen and not heard. Meaning make her presence known, but don’t say anything. She was dressed from head to toe in the nicest outfits, hair fried, dyed and laid to the side. She was told impressions are everything and that she needs to keep up her appearance. Don’t gain weight, wear fitted clothes, but not too fitted that they look small, show some cleavage to get a job, use her goods to better herself. She was a sexual being and used what she had to get what she wanted.

How do you think these things affected her mind as she got older? Instilling these things in her mind caused insecurities later in her life. She became obsessed with making sure that she looked her best to impress people she didn’t like or didn’t even know. This in turn caused insecurities within herself, and she used material things to cover up those insecurities.

FullSizeRenderThis is where the weave, make up, nails, stilettos, tight short skirts, expensive labels, etc. came in. Her outer appearance became what she most took pride in, instead of dealing with those insecurities instilled in her when she was younger. She was never told that she was beautiful as she was without all of that stuff.

As a girl not being told that she was beautiful, it led to a life of material possessions and promiscuity. In order to feel beautiful, she had to cover her body in expensive things she couldn’t afford and use her body for sexual activity to feel wanted and beautiful. She didn’t understand that she was beautiful inside and her body was just as beautiful and didn’t need to be sexualized.

She didn’t understand that she was beautiful inside and her body was just as beautiful and didn’t need to be sexualized.

She didn’t understand that when the make up is gone, the weave was not affordable and the clothes weren’t needed, she was still her and she was still beautiful. Her naked body was all she needed to feel secure and know who she was, breaking the insecurities of the past. Her naked body could break the cycle of mental manipulation, hurt, pain, abuse, suffering and shame.

Now, she knows she is beautiful. She stares for hours in the mirror at her reflection, loving herself, every curve, pudge and stretch mark. It shows her journey and how far she has come. Being naked has freed her of her insecurities and has created an openness within her.

To that girl or woman who is struggling with the past, look at yourself in the mirror, bare from head to toe, and tell yourself that you are beautiful, and you don’t need “stuff” to validate that. Tell those people who fed you lies that you are no longer a prisoner to their ideals of “beauty” and what or who a women should be like. No one has a body like you. You can buy clothes and shoes and jewelry; I am pretty sure someone else has the exact same thing, but your naked body is what sets you apart from everyone else. You are your own kind of beautiful, and that can not be replicated. To this day, women still think that the clothes they wear make them a better person than someone else, which is also why women are in competition with each other. Looks tend to still be everything.

P.S. Being naked does not give a man or woman the right to sexualize you or to have sex with you against your will. You are not naked because you want sex. You’re naked because you love yourself and that is how you heal and choose to live your life.


Simply Moniqua


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