Today marks a very special day. Today I pack a car and drive off to my first ever clothes free vacation.
As it happens this turns out to be my one year clothes free life anniversary. A proper clothes free vacation, therefore, seems to be the perfect way to round out my first year of clothes free experiences.
There are many firsts for me today: first solo road trip, first clothes free vacation, first public social event, among other things. To be honest, I feel nervousness and I acknowledge it as a tiny pocket of sensation inside. I’ve never spent this much time on the road by myself, and I am going to meet people and spend a lot of time with them clothes free. Of course it’s going to be amazing (duh!), but this entire adventure is, perhaps, the biggest I’ve taken in over a decade.
Sunday involved a lot of packing, and I managed to create a giant pile of artifacts, things that if I were, say, flying on a plane I would never pack. Some of them, like the rubber squeaky frog I randomly decided to grab off the shelf at the store (darn those impulse purchases!), are just the result of sheer uncontrollable excitement. It might come skinnydipping or something. Other things I am bringing with me to support a a wonderful experience.
But Monday…Monday I spent a lot of time doing things that keep me active in a soothing way. I cleaned everything around the place. Cleaning is such a healing experience for me. Something about wiping away the muck and mire to reveal the truth of what is underneath brings me great joy and peace.
I also watched an episode of Naked and Afraid. Would I ever eat a poisonous snake? I don’t know.
Then, the clouds rolled in and the sky grew dark. I couldn’t tell if the initial soft clacking sounds I was hearing were thunder or the crew fixing broken units in the building. The sounds soon turned to roaring, and it was clear that a storm was present. Ordinarily I love storms, I love to sit on the couch and lose myself in the observation of the madness. But maybe a month or so ago, a storm came and lit my building on fire. So, I found myself shivering as I prepared to do some yin yoga yesterday. I placed a towel on the mat and sat. As I curled over into a supported seated butterfly, it felt as if lightning might reach through the window and strike my spine. I was so scared. How many times have things in life gone up in flames?
My thoughts began to stir, and nervousness came to a new height as I thought about the great adventure to come. Thankfully, a lightly scented candle was going just in front of me, so I set my eyes on its dancing flame and breathed through each pose. I didn’t run away from the window, I didn’t hide. I simply let myself drop into the experience of the storm. By the time I reached the end of the flow, the storm had passed and the sounds of rain lifted to ambient noises of the refrigerator and the construction crew (well, maybe the latter was not so ambient!). At last, the sun came out.
That yin yoga flow, and how I chose to stay with it in the midst of the storm, breathing and letting go to let in, reminded me to give myself permission to be nervous while stepping forward. I am so excited to fly into a wonderful new experience on this vacation. And, even though I am nervous about the unknown, I will breathe through it. I’ll pick up the rental car, stuff all my crazy items into it, lock my seatbelt and take to the road. Before I know it, I’ll be climbing trees clothes free and taking my first ever skinnydip!
I can’t wait.
Wheels out. It’s time to go pick up the car!